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-Bob, how can you tell your sister that she is stupid? Apologize now!
Bob turns to his sister and in a humble voice says:
- Sister, I'm sorry that you're stupid.

- Today is Friday and the weekend starts tomorrow. Share this message with your friends and the weekend will come again in 7 days. A friend of mine ignored this message and 3 days later arrived Monday.

A lady enters a restaurant, is accompanied to a table near the window with a spectacular view. She tells the waiter:
- Would you be so kind to turn on the air conditioner; you know, I'm so hot.
- No problem, it will be done.
After 20 minutes, the lady calls the waiter again and asks:
- Please, could you turn off the air conditioner because it's too cold now.
- I'll turn it off, lady.
After half an hour the lady calls the waiter and asks that the air conditioner be switched on again, because it has started to get hot again. The waiter accepts the request with a big smile. Another guest, sitting a few meters from the lady, follows the whole scene with so much interest. Call the waiter and tell him:
- But why you allow to be kidding by this lady: turn on, turn off, turn on...
- But I'm the one who has fun: we don't have the air conditioner.

- And the woman takes her husband's finger while he slept and unprotects his cell phone.


In front of the door of the hell 90 women expect in the queue. At one point the devil opens the door, comes out and says:
- Let all those who betrayed her husband enter.
89 women enter. The devil makes himself heard again:
- Let the deaf one enters, too.

Once, when guests came, they asked:
- How are you? How is your health? How are the children...
Today, when guests arrive, the first thing they ask is:
- What is your Wi-Fi password?

Two girls:
- Have you lost weight?
- Yes, 6 pounds in 4 days. The diet is called "watermelon".
- Fantastic, but how does it work? I've never heard of this diet.
- You weigh yourself holding a watermelon and after 4 days you weigh yourself again, without watermelon.

Two tourists visit Rome and stand in front of the Colosseum.
- Look; it's really impressive.
- Imagine when they finish it: it will be a fantastic thing.

- What is the traditional Chinese diet?
- You eat with a single chopstick.

A wife scolds her husband.
- You're incapable! Your mother is incapable. Your whole family is incapable. If there were a world championship of incapacity, you would get there second.
- And why not the first one?
- Because you are incapable.

I decided to change my habits, let go of social media and try to make friends with people outside of Facebook, but applying the same principle. Every day I walk down the street and tell the people I meet what I ate, how I feel, what I did the night before and what I think I will do tomorrow. Also, I show photos of my girlfriend, my dog and my photo in the pool. Sometimes I approach people, listen what they say and tell them "I love you". I must tell you that it works well. I already have 4 people following me: three policemen and a psychiatrist.

On the entrance to a church there is a large inscription:
- If you are tired of your sins, you are welcome here.
Below, with a lipstick was added:
- If not, call 951-466-344-28.

- What do girls need to know before entering into a relationship with an older male?
- Resuscitation.

- My son, did you get drunk?
- Yes dad, from two beers.
- Only two? Are you sure?
- Very sure, from the seventh and eighth. The first six didn't make me any effect.

- It is not shameful to come home drunk. It is shameful when you understand that the house is not yours.

- As long as there were no social networks, only the family knew that you are not normal.

A gentleman sees a young girl in the street. He approaches her and says:
- When I see your smile, it's my will to invite you at my place.
- How you allow yourself? You are uneducated.
- No, I'm a dentist.

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