Jokes about Animals

Stories about animals are often stories about us, human beings.

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A man walks a snail on leash and meets one his friend. Friend tells him:
- What a beautiful snail you have.
- I had one more beautiful but it escaped.


A panda walks into a bar, goes right to the counter, grabs a sandwich and after having eaten it he takes a gun out of his pocket and shoots the bartender. Then, as though nothing had happened, he walks out. Everyone in the bar is sitting all speechless and petrified but suddenly someone breaks the silence:
-What a hell was that?!?
Comes a sorrowful voice:
-It was a panda.
-???
-Perhaps you don't know what a panda is... It's a mammal that eats, shoots, and leaves.


- How hedgehogs mate?
- Carefully, very, very carefully!


- The life is full of surprises, tells a hedgehog, and gets down from a brush.


- What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?
- To get a diarrhoea!


There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment:
- What happened to this one?
- I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.


It's hot summer, ninety degrees. A rabbit sits under the shadow of a tree and sharpens a stick with a knife.
A wolf passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill a bear.
- ???
A vixen passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick in order to kill a bear.
- ???
The bear passes by.
- Rabbit, rabbit, what are you doing?
- I am sharpening this stick and bullshiting.


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