She sends him a SMS message:
- My dear, if you sleep send me your dreams, if you laugh send me your smile, if you cry send me your tears. I love you.
- I'm on latrine duty. What do you want that I send to you?
The bus leaves from the stop. A woman runs and shouts:
- Stop the bus please, I'm late for work.
The passengers look at her and try to convince the driver to stop, to pick up the woman. The bus stops, the doors open and in a few seconds the woman arrives
and she embarks. She is breathing heavily and she needs some time to recover. She says:
- Thank you all, really: you were very kind. Now please let me see your tickets.
Two blondes are chatting about the interruption of electricity that was two days before.
- I was stuck in the elevator for two hours.
- And I was waiting for two hours on mobile stairs.
- Dad, how can the ship float on the water?
- I don't know.
- And how does the plane fly?
- I don't know.
- How can we see the images on TV?
- I really don't know.
- Dad, do you get angry if I ask you all these questions?
- No. How can you learn if you don't ask?
A man comes to the doctor and complains:
- Doctor, I breath with difficulty and cough a lot.
- Are you a smoker?
- Yes I am but it doesn't help me.
Two friends are having a conversation:
- My company is looking for a cashier.
- I thought you hired one guy two weeks ago.
- Yes we have and now we are looking for him.
Mother scolds her daughter:
- Look at this generation. You are only 15 and every night you're out with a different guy. And yesterday you forgot my thirtieth birthday.
A blonde girl is walking down the street. One of her boob is out of her shirt. A policeman sees her and says:
- Miss, you know I can fine you for your inappropriate behavior?
- Because you are showing everyone your boob!
- Oh God, I forgot the baby on the bus!
A boy and a girl are in a bar, having a coffee. He:
- You are the most beautiful and the most handsome girl I've ever met.
- Come on; you are talking like this only to take me to the bad.
- And you're smart, too.
After a week of hard work, a truck driver arrives in a whorehouse, puts on the owner's table 1000 dollars, and says:
-I want the ugliest girl you have and the cold spaghetti from last night!
- But, sir, for all this money you can have the most beautiful girl and a good, hot piece of a meat.
-I'm not here for the sex, I miss home.
Sam informed the mother that he took a bad mark in English.
- What you have wrote?
Sam pulls out his notebook and begins to read:
- One day I go to school and I see in front of me a piece of shit. The shit is green, it must be Marco's, he likes the vegetables a lot. I continue my walk to school and after a while I see another shit. This one is dark brown, certainly it belongs to Simon because he loves to eat dark chocolate. I continue the walk finding another piece of shit but this time it was really big. It is definitely John's; he is fat and eat a lot.
- All right but tell me, what was the topic of the story?
- You recognize a true friend in the needs.
Husband to wife:
- Pass me the golf's socks.
- Which are the golf's socks?
- Those with 9 holes.
A couple is in bed making love. He asks:
- Listen, what if I put it in your ear?
- Are you crazy? I could become deaf.
- If until today you didn't become dumb I don't think you will become deaf.
A blonde calls the police:
- You have to come immediately, my car has just been stolen in front of my house.
- Did you see the thief?
- No but I wrote down the license plate number.
A couple is in bed, smoking after sex. He:
- According to what I saw and I felt tonight, I'm not the first.
- Of course not, and according to what I felt, you're not even the last.
A policeman stops a blonde.
- You are fined 50 dollars for the blinker that doesn't work.
- Great! The garage wanted to charge me 120.
A girl come to her boyfriend's apartment and he starts immediately to undress her.
- Stop, I just have been to the gynecologist and he banned me sex for the next 3 months.
- And what did your dentist say?
A couple is making sex. Suddenly the man stops, and he acting as he was frozen. The partner looked at him astonished and asks:
- Are you normal, what are you doing?
- My dear, this is the new trend from porno movies on Internet - it's called buffering.