A boy and a girl are in a bar, having a coffee. He:
- You are the most beautiful and the most handsome girl Iíve ever met.
- Come on; you are talking like this only to take me to the bad.
- And youíre smart, too.
After a week of hard work, a truck driver arrives in a whorehouse, puts on the owner's table 1000 dollars, and says:
-I want the ugliest girl you have and the cold spaghetti from last night!
- But, sir, for all this money you can have the most beautiful girl and a good, hot piece of a meat.
-I'm not here for the sex, I miss home.
Sam informed the mother that he took a bad mark in English.
- What you have wrote?
Sam pulls out his notebook and begins to read:
- One day I go to school and I see in front of me a piece of shit. The shit is green, it must be Marcoís, he likes the vegetables a lot. I continue my walk to school and after a while I see another shit. This one is dark brown, certainly it belongs to Simon because he loves to eat dark chocolate. I continue the walk finding another piece of shit but this time it was really big. It is definitely Johnís; he is fat and eat a lot.
- All right but tell me, what was the topic of the story?
- You recognize a true friend in the needs.
Husband to wife:
- Pass me the golfís socks.
- Which are the golfís socks?
- Those with 9 holes.
A couple is in bed making love. He asks:
- Listen, what if I put it in your ear?
- Are you crazy? I could become deaf.
- If until today you didnít become dumb I donít think you will become deaf.
A blonde calls the police:
- You have to come immediately, my car has just been stolen in front of my house.
- Did you see the thief?
- No but I wrote down the license plate number.
A couple is in bed, smoking after sex. He:
- According to what I saw and I felt tonight, Iím not the first.
- Of course not, and according to what I felt, youíre not even the last.
A policeman stops a blonde.
- You are fined 50 dollars for the blinker that doesnít work.
- Great! The garage wanted to charge me 120.
A girl come to her boyfriendís apartment and he starts immediately to undress her.
- Stop, I just have been to the gynecologist and he banned me sex for the next 3 months.
- And what did your dentist say?
A couple is making sex. Suddenly the man stops, and he acting as he was frozen. The partner looked at him astonished and asks:
- Are you normal, what are you doing?
- My dear, this is the new trend from porno movies on Internet - itís called buffering.