- Mom, may I put on my mini skirt?
- May I use lipstick?
- No way!
- And may I put on my heel shoes?
- Now it's enough, I told you no.
- But mom, I'm 18 years old.
- I know David, I know...
A young couple had a baby, but the baby is black. The husband has some suspects and asks his wife:
- Why are we white and the baby is black?
- Well, you know, after the birth the little one started to cry because he was hungry. I didn't have milk so I asked a black woman to feed him with her own
milk and he became black.
Husband leaves the house to take a long walk and to clear up his mind. He wasn't convinced of the story that his wife told him and he decided to visit his mother.
She was a wise woman and she will give him the right explanation. When he arrived, his mother asks him:
- So, how is my nephew?
- He is fine mom but there is one thing; my wife didn't have milk and she breastfeed my son from a black woman and now your nephew is black. Is this possible?
- Sure it is! When I gave birth to you I didn't have milk so I gave you cow's milk and that's why you're stupid like a calf.
A man with one hand enters in a shop:
- Excuse me, is this a second-hand shop?
An old man has read in a magazine that bread is a great aphrodisiac. He goes to the baker and asks for 3 kilos.
- What do you do with 3 kilos? It will become hard.
- Then give me 5 kilos!
A Russian, in his warm apartment in Moscow, listening to the radio hears that in Siberia temperatures has reached -52 C. He calls his brother who lives there:
- Brother, I heard on the radio that you are freezing, is it true?
- As usual they are exaggerating, wait a minute, I'm going to check out the temperature... my thermometer indicates -22 C.
- But on the radio they said -52 C!
- Well, maybe outside...
The pessimist sees only darkness in the tunnel.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is the train.
The train driver sees three idiots on the tracks.
The Stone Age. Two old men walk and see two young men sitting on a wall that hit each other in the head with club. One of the old men:
- This modern youth! The only thing they do is drug themselves.
During the cold war the fear of communism and Soviet influence was prevalent in most of the Western world countries. The following conversation takes place in the office of the President of the United States.
- Mr. President, the Russians have just landed on the Moon and started painting it red! They are working fast - a quarter of the Moon is already finished!
- Ok, so what is the problem?
- But Mr. President, if they make it all red, the communist symbol will hang over heads of the entire world population!
- Don't worry about it, just let them work.
Two days later, the adviser storms into President's office again.
- Mr. President, they are almost done with the first half!
- No worries, just let them keep going.
Later that week, the same adviser sadly declares to the President.
- Mr. President, if you look up, you'll notice that the Moon is completely red now. The Russians are done.
- Ok, now that they are done, please send one of our shuttles and have them write "Coca-Cola" right across.
A man walks by the sea and suddenly hears someone yelling:
- Help, help! I'm drowning, I don't know how to swim!
He turns around, notices a man drowning, and asks:
- Parla Italiano?
The drowning man says:
- Si, si! Parlo Italiano! Aiuto, per favore!
- You idiot! It would have been better for you to learn how to swim than to learn Italian.
Little Mario comes back from the school crying.
- Mum, everybody in the school calls me "Mafioso".
- Don't worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.
- Thank you mum. Please make it look like an accident.