A Russian, in his warm apartment in Moscow, listening to the radio hears that in Siberia temperatures has reached -52 C. He calls his brother who lives there:
- Brother, I heard on the radio that you are freezing, is it true?
- As usual they are exaggerating, wait a minute, I'm going to check out the temperature... my thermometer indicates -22 C.
- But on the radio they said -52 C!
- Well, maybe outside...
The pessimist sees only darkness in the tunnel.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees that the light is the train.
The train driver sees three idiots on the tracks.
The Stone Age. Two old men walk and see two young men sitting on a wall that hit each other in the head with club. One of the old men:
- This modern youth! The only thing they do is drug themselves.
During the cold war the fear of communism and Soviet influence was prevalent in most of the Western world countries. The following conversation takes place in the office of the President of the United States.
- Mr. President, the Russians have just landed on the Moon and started painting it red! They are working fast - a quarter of the Moon is already finished!
- Ok, so what is the problem?
- But Mr. President, if they make it all red, the communist symbol will hang over heads of the entire world population!
- Don't worry about it, just let them work.
Two days later, the adviser storms into President's office again.
- Mr. President, they are almost done with the first half!
- No worries, just let them keep going.
Later that week, the same adviser sadly declares to the President.
- Mr. President, if you look up, you'll notice that the Moon is completely red now. The Russians are done.
- Ok, now that they are done, please send one of our shuttles and have them write "Coca-Cola" right across.
A man walks by the sea and suddenly hears someone yelling:
- Help, help! I'm drowning, I don't know how to swim!
He turns around, notices a man drowning, and asks:
- Parla Italiano?
The drowning man says:
- Si, si! Parlo Italiano! Aiuto, per favore!
- You idiot! It would have been better for you to learn how to swim than to learn Italian.
Little Mario comes back from the school crying.
- Mum, everybody in the school calls me "mafioso".
- Don't worry, my son. Tomorrow I will go to see the principal.
- Thank you mum. Please make it look like an accident.