Jokes about Covid

Enough with whining, tears and depression. This is a humorous site and people are here to laugh. People say: strike care for joy! Here are creative jokes from around the world.

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- Until yesterday the rule was to keep away from negative people and now I have to stay away from positive ones.


- Now we are about to face real trauma. Hairdressers, beauty salons and pubs are closed. The women are natural and the men sober...


- If you wanted to study medicine, now is the right time: there is only one disease and only a few symptoms.


A spaceship from another galaxy has long been in orbit around the Earth in search of a possible civilization. After 2 weeks of study, they concluded that there was once an intelligent race on Earth, forming a certain civilization, low-level, but still a civilization. Unfortunately, their scanners found no living specimens of that breed. The conclusion was that these intelligent beings have become extinct. They decided to launch 12 stationary satellites around the planet, whose only task was to look for any specimens of that race that might have survived; they still didn't understand what. After more than a month, they received a positive signal from one of the satellites which gave them hope that their efforts were rewarded. A flying saucer with a two-man crew landed in the area where a single surviving member of that race was supposed to live. After a short time they found him in a cave and to the first question, why he survived, they got the following answer:
- They forgot to vaccinate me.


- Believing the fact, what the media tell us, that the pharmaceutical industry wants a healthy world population is like believing that the war industry wants world peace.


- I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that the ministry of health, to fight Covid, made the new rules for access to bars. A maximum of 3 people can enter together, but in alphabetical order. Yours Zack Zaiger.


- Everyone is complaining that 900,000 people are out of work due to the closing of the bars and nobody cares about us 12 million who are thirsty.


- Not every time the loss of taste means you have encountered COVID-19. Sometimes the wife just cooks badly.


- This world is getting crazier every day and I don't understand it anymore. Let me tell you what happened to me the other day, so you can see for yourself. After 2 weeks of isolation, I ran out of cash. I've lost my ATM card several times already, so those from the bank don't want to give me new one. So I had to go to the bank in person to withdraw money. I come to the entrance, and there's a security guard. He stops me and says I don't follow the precautions because I don't have a mask on my face. Now I am completely confused: when last time I entered this bank with a mask, I was placed in isolation for five years.


In a bar:
- Waiter, bring the lady sitting in the corner a drink.
- OK! Anyway, I want to tell you that the lady is married.
- I know. She is my wife, but I respect the rules on social distancing.


- The other day I was listening a world-famous doctor who explained that the most effective weapon against the COVID-19 virus is common sense. That worries me a lot because most of us are disarmed.


- Absolute pleasure is when you are positive for coronavirus and when you give your doctor contact data with all the people you dislike.


If, after this epidemic and months of isolation, to raise your morale and make you forget the hard times, somebody offer you two options: a dream trip, to some exotic place with your wife or a barbecue with your friends, what would you choose?

  1. Well done
  2. Medium
  3. Rare


Husband calls his wife:
- Hi dear, I'm at the supermarket. What should I take?
- Do you wear the face mask?
- Yes!
- Get the cash desk.


- The world became a better place lately: there are many more positive persons.

Coronavirus pandemic COVID-19, March 14, 2020

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