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- I just hired a good secretary. She has tidied up the whole office, has a great memory and remembers all my commitments of the day by heart. And one more thing: she is a real bed bomb, much better than my wife.
- Will you lend her to me for a week? Normally, I pay her and half of her salary goes to you.
Nothing can be denied to a good friend and after seven days the two find themselves in the same bar again.
- Come on, tell me, wasn't I right about how good my new secretary is?
-You were right: great memory, everything is in order, organized and she keeps everything under control. In my opinion you are wrong about one thing: in bed, your wife is better than her.
A soldier writes to his fiancée:
A gentleman meets a Scot he met many years ago and who has always stammered. He notices that this speaks fluently. He asks him:
- Why don't males have cellulite?
A guy is in the hospital, in very bad shape, with a bandaged head and a hand in plaster. As soon as he is back in the conscious state, the doctor asks him what happened.
A man opened a club and hired 3 strippers. He boasts to a friend of him:
A masked thug stops a man in a dark alley. He threatens him with the gun and tells him:
- Running after others' women improves physical condition and health, and running away from their husbands extends life.
A woman asks her husband:
- How can you recognize a nearsighted gynecologist?
- If you give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day. But if you teach him how to fish, you can stay with his wife every day.
- I understand women who love other women. I also understand that they adopt a child: the desire to be a real family. I don't understand who, in the future, will marry that child with two mother-in-law.
After a candlelit dinner, the husband asks his wife:
A journalist is addressing a man:
Four friends around a table in a pub. Marco has just got married and he offers the dinner. One asks him:
A lady walks into a shoe shop and gets busy. After more than an hour around her there are dozens of open boxes and messy shoes. Finally, a smile shows
on her face and she calls the salesman:
- Why do they keep the madmen divided in madhouse?
- Nationalism stops when you start earning more than five thousand dollars a month, feminism when you can't open a jar and atheism when the air turbulence begins while you are flying in a plane.
A labor inspector comes to a factory that produces chicken sausages. He talks to the production manager:
I made fun of fat men and I became fat. I teased the bald men and I became bald. Now I tease only the rich.
I was sitting in a dentist's studio. It was my first time here; the dentist was recommended to me by a friend. His degree was hanging on the wall. Reading it, I realized that
the name and surname sounded familiar to me. He arrived in my class in the middle of the first semester. He was tall, handsome, with blue eyes: I immediately fell in love with
him, but I never had the courage to tell it to him. When my turn came, I entered the dental studio. In front of me there was an old man, with little white hair, lots of wrinkles
on his face and a pair of glasses with very thick lenses. When I seated on the chair, I couldn't help myself:
I asked my girlfriend:
- I do not care who your father is, but while I'm fishing you cannot walk on the lake.
People are always worried. About college exams, for example. They kill themselves for their unhappy loves, cry for the past times, breaks their backs for tough jobs, go to war for the ideals of others, are sad for the most meaningless things. And I am here, sitting in the chair, trying to find the beginning of the scotch tape.
She sends him a SMS message: